It’s not in Singapore yet, but Burger King has this amazing new burger called the Angry Whopper.

It was launched in the US last December touted as the one mighty spicy pissed off burger topped with jalapeno chili peppers and hot sauce over the usual beef patty, tomatoes and veggies. What’s cool about this hot bun is that it made its way to BK Japan last Wednesday, and you can trust the Japanese to come up with a crazy contest to mark its arrival. They held an “angry shouting match” in downtown Tokyo and you can scream your fustrations away to win a year’s worth of Whoppers!

News reports state that contestants shouted stuff like “I NEED A GIRLFRIEND!” and “PROFESSOR, GIVE ME MY CREDITS!”

How exciting! I know a good friend of mine would yell right now:

“FUCK THIS FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT DOESN’T WORK IN SAFARI EITHER! FUCKING USELESS” [he has javascript problems at this very mo]

Imagine if this was held at Raffles Place. What would SIngaporeans scream and shriek in angst? Some suggestions:

Overworked office lady: “DON’T BLARDY TAKE MCs ALL THE TIME AND MAKE ME COVER YOUR WORK!”

Corporate drone failing to make it down to Happy Hours: “I KENNA ARROW AGAIN AT THE LAST MINUTE!”

Job-hunting fresh grad: “THE INTERVIEWER IS A SICKENING PRICK!”

Scheming work vixien “YOU WANT TO PLAY POLITICS WITH ME? YOU WATCH OUT!”

Impatient hawker: “CHILLI OR NO CHILLI ALSO TAKE SO LONG TO MAKE UP YOUR MIND!”

Email ettiquette expert: “STOP CC-ING THE WHOLE WORLD IN YOUR FRICKING EMAILS!”

Taxi driver: “WAH LAU, HOW YOU CROSS THE ROAD!”

Dude in taxi: WAH LAU, HOW YOU DRIVE ONE!”

I would so pay money to watch this if it ever happens. Not that it would. Singaporeans are notoriously paiseh. Why is it that a polite and refined society like Japan’s is able to be zany and not take itself too seriously while we can’t?

We’ll most probably end up griping bitterly via our Facebook status.

A more fun alternative might be this Angry-Gram Burger King has created for their Angry Whopper. Well, since we can’t actually scream in our bosses’ faces.

Where you do your business has now become everybody’s business. It was very amusing to read the posting by Strait Times’ Fash Hag on her blog yesterday, titled Going Potty Over Ion, on the VIP toilets in the newly opened  Orchard Ion.

Who doesn’t know that Orchard Ion is probably where tai-tais would be sashaying into and where nervous guys  will be keeping their girlfriends from. To sum up the article, Fash Hag  reports that there are two VIP toilets in the mall reserved only for “dignitaries or celebrities”. These washrooms are done up in black faux marbled wallpaper (ironic, isn’t it if it’s supposed to be that luxurious) and equipped with Japanese WCs that keeps your bottom nicely toasty with warmed seats. High-spending customers of luxury boutiques are also welcomed to use these toilets. In other words, you need to pay an entrace fee of say, $10,980.

My question is: Is there someone policing these VIP toilets to ensure that you’re a celeb, dignitary or the wife of a money-laundering mobster? Do you require some sort of identification to go in? Or do you just to flash your multiple Gold Amex cards?

Cartier goes one step further. It has its own private toilet in the stores. So convenient if you  feel like making a deposit after purchasing new rocks.

I’ve yet to find a picture of these VIP toilets on the net. It might because there are no celebs, dignitaries and obscenelyloaded customers who want to brag about using these facilities on the Internet. If you’re rich  enough to be allowed entry, do think of us plebs longing to sneak a peek at such looxuries. Snap a picture and upload it. We’ll be grateful. Really.

I’ve actually come across this promo last week, but was too damn lazy to blog about it. But it entered my consciousness again this afternoon when a friend brought up the topic about – what else – why does a guy take 4 days to return a SMS.

Me: “What?! That’s too long! Is he playing hard to get?”

She: “At least he replied – even if it did take four days.”

Another friend: “Wah lau, four days and you’re still so hopeful. Didn’t you watch He’s Just Not That Into You?”

Then I recalled seeing this:

Such comfort this DVD promises. It knows it will crush any secret hopes that the hot guy you’ve been introduced to at Butter Factory will call, so what it does is to make up for it by offering you … not one, not two, but FOUR matchmaking services courtesy of Lunch Actually.

Wow. Does that make you feel like you should run out to get the DVD? The DVD you’ll most likely watch when you’re in your sweats, bingeing on Ben and Jerry’s and sobbing into an half-eaten tub. I know I would, especially if I  really did buy the DVD because I was enticed by the Lunch Actuallyvouchers.

Those who feel like you’re doomed to singledom, take heart a DVD is thinking of you.