URGH!!

As if my day isn’t bad enough. I just read online that my favourite female mag JANE is shutting down. For those of you who’re unfamiliar with JANE, it’s simply a fantastically irrerevent read – an aberration in the world of female magazines who almost dictate the must-dos, the must-wears and the must-buys.

A sample of some of its articles runs along the lines of “We followed Cosmopolitan’s Dating Guide”, “Reviews that might change your life (or at least wake you up from your winter slumber), “Under $25 and Not Crap”. The kooky tone, throwaway lines and some really great pictures which never appear overly ‘model-ish’ are what got me hooked. Unfortunately, it’s not enough to lure sufficient advertisers or fickle readers in their 20s – the target audience of Jane – and Conde Nast announced two days ago they’re winding JANE after 10 years. I might have bought my very last issue of JANE with Zooey Deschanel on the cover last Friday at Borders while waiting to eat Chongqing steamboat with my friends.

It’s tragic. JANE has been a faithful companion for almost 4 years off-and-on. It’s ex ok, so I couldn’t afford to buy every issue. But once upon a time at an old job, i used to read it free every month. What it really goes to show is that there is a certain mould for mags to adhere to, whatever the genre: Female mags typically shout about sex, fashion, beauty saviours; male mags of a higher order like Esquire and GQ have lots of intelligent sounding words like “Saddam Files” and “Sartorial Questions Answered”, lag mags of a waaaay lower order simply have scantily-clad women on them, coverlines redunant unless they read “MAKE HER BEG FOR IT”.

Don’t even get me started on the local magazine scene. We have women’s mags which are as thick – and not half as useful – as a telephone directory, male mags which are poor imitators of their US and UK counterparts, interchangeable teeny bopper mags which are perfect for tweens instead of teens, tabloid rags masquerading as the go-to guide for entertainment and lifestyle. They’re all BATA: Buy And Throw Away.

I retract. It’s not fair of me to condemn magazines. They’re afterall fluff. Nobody really expects an epiphany from reading Glamour, Vanity Fair or Men’s Health. Continue to talk cock writers! Make people believe. I am a stickler for the mantra, “if you believe in your own bullshit, others will believe in it too”. And farewell JANE.

URGH!!

Magazines have been on my mind these few days. I’m a total mag junkie and spent many a countless hours pouring over them. Just the other day, before meeting my gal-pal for The Last King of Scotland, I was browsing at Times the Bookstore, Plaza Singapura.

While reading the headlines of Us Weekly – the best 30 minute guilty pleasure I can think of – about Britney’s downward spiral towards breakdown and her frantic late-night call to Justin, my eyes wandered to the local mags. There’s been some new men’s mags muscling in lately, targeting the well-heeled, well-travelled metrosexual man. I foresee a three-corner fist fight and potential bleeding to death by one, two or all.

What really caught my attention was how similar two of the mags are.

Both magazines:

• Use a neutral dark colour background.
• Feature the leading men of a Chinese blockbuster – incidentally both of them are starring in Protege. Is there really a dearth of men to put on the cover?
• Styled the cover men in dressed-down-but-you-know-it’s-expensive clothes.
• Made them look thoughtful yet masculine with carefully directed hand positions . Louis Koo’s pose is especially weird. Is he hiding his other hand?
• Numbers on their coverlines. Perhaps it’s a secret code to call out to readers.
• Begin with the letter “A”!

Over at the aisle catering to women, I took a double-take when I saw the cover of Singapore Women’s Weekly.

If I were Wong Lilin, I’d be really pissed. She doesn’t even look like herself, more like a botoxed tranny. And you thought mags airbrushed their pictures.

This post comes too late I know. I started it sometime back but haven’t gone round to completing it. Anyhoo …

If you haven’t already read, we now have another piece of the elusive BOHEMIA in Singapore. The Sunday Times proclaim Little India BOHEMIA due to an artist community forming at the walk-up apartments and shophouses at the Perumal Road area for the past three years.

The fact is, Little India has been a mini bohemia since the Kerbau Road Arts Belt was created. It’s home to theatre and artsy companies like Wild Rice, Spell #7 and Plastique Kinetic Worms for the past five years. It boho appeal can be attributed to other factors, say, its proximity to the old (and even new) NAFA campus, the slew of budget hostels at Dunlop Street and the offbeat cafes and pubs like Prince of Wales and Yogi Hub.

It just irritates me to see this label slapped onto emerging “cool” neighbourhoods. Holland Village was the epitome of bohemia during the Heartlander/Cosmopolitan debate. They have plenty of interesting, read pricey, shops such as Antipodean, but it seemed borne out of expatriate habits and aspirations more than anything else.

Next up, Haji Lane. Also named as one of the nation’s “little pieces of bohemia”. This place, I can see why. At least, there’s a more organic, gritty edge to Haji Lane. Is that what it takes to be boho?

Very soon, there’ll be a slice of BOHEMIA in every GRC.

Tampines Bohemia: Starving artists flee the rising rents of the city districts to Tampines where they set up ashrams amidst the grassy fields of Ave 10. Colourful placemats and cups bought from nearby Ikea are also spotted being used.

Aljunied Bohemia: The boutique hotel craze leaves no shophouse spared. The ones along Geylang Road are sold to an international hotel chain whose American CEO promise to retain the authenticity of the buildings and area. The red light district is cleaned up by persuading unemployed sex workers to put up a local version of the “art of the nude” otherwise known as Crazy Horse Show. Beatrice Chia is hired to be the director.

Ang Mo Kio Bohemia: To prove Ang Mo Kio can be just as cool as the rest of the GRCs, an Artist Bonus is approved for Budget 2008 and dangled out to struggling artists who opt to live in Ang Mo Kio. Two levels in Ang Mo Kio Hub Mall are set aside for the “artistic community” to set up shop/gallery/studio. Movies by local directors are screened exclusively at the cineplex while a blackbox is taken up by the resident theatre company, The Even More Necessary Stage.

How’s that for BOHEMIA in Singapore?